#5

Something I’ve struggled with the past few years is the contradiction of feeling content in life and the desire for more. In my personal growth journey I’ve explored that desire for more, always look to the next thing and why that is. However, as I’ve gotten to know myself on a deeper level, I don’t discount there is some past action behind looking ahead, yet, I wonder if it’s also because of this pull to see the world. I know there is so much out there and I’d be lucky to even see a fraction of it so how can I do the same things, be in the same job, have the same hobbies year after year and truly be content? Part of me is clearly not because there is so much beauty to see.

When I travel there is part of me that misses the familiar, part of me that is nervous, and part of me that can breathe. It’s like I can take a breath being away from the stress daily life brings and pretend as if it doesn’t exist when I’m away. Maybe it sounds silly but in part, isn’t that what vacation is? A break from the every day routine and things in life that bog us down? Many times in the past it certainly was all I looked forward to and both frustrating times and great memories came out of those trips.

So now, when I recognize how much work I’ve put in to me, and how blessed I feel with where my life is, I want to walk in that. I don’t want to take it for granted even in the moments where I do wish for certain things to be different. Therefore, I am exploring this time in life of co-existing with the peace of where I am and the desire of wanting more. Both can be true. Both can flourish and be nourished. I suppose I just need to listen to my head and my heart and lean in to where life takes me. I no longer have a life I always want to run from. I have a life I want to add to with familiar fun experiences, and beautiful new ones.